The Courage of Facing Our Difficult Emotions

When we are caught up in a destructive emotion, we lose one of our greatest assets: our independence.

Dalai Lama

Have you ever been pissed off and angry when one of your friends tells you to calm down? The exact opposite effect takes place and the only thing that happens is you feel your blood begin to boil as you start your transformation into Satin himself.

I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions these past two years as I’ve faced tough diagnosis, pain, disappointment, frustration, fear and countless other fun, uplifting moments. I’ve had what I consider to be the ultimate crash course on my emotions. My tactic for years had been whenever I felt a “bad” emotion like frustration or anger I would just push it down and try to forget about it by doing any number of things to distract myself from its existence. These would range from drinking, to getting pissed off and blaming others, to eating copious amounts of food. As I soon learned, when you have months of nothing to do but be stuck with your own thoughts, was that I can’t hide from these emotions forever and in fact, doing so was making my life more miserable.

As I began playing with mindfulness and meditation, I started being able to spot when a certain emotion would crop up. Becoming sensitive to your emotions and having the patience and courage to face them when they arise is a huge first step because now you know what you’re dealing with. It’s like receiving a diagnosis of strep throat and then being able to take the necessary steps to kill the bacteria. The tough part became, what do I now do…

There are a couple of great strategies in Buddhism/mindfulness to go about dealing with tougher emotions. The first and easiest is simply to name the emotion. By naming in your mind what emotion has just come up, it begins to lose its power over you. So when you feel the fervor of anger get hot in your chest and your body become tense, gently say “anger… anger… anger” in your head. You’ll feel your body relax and the anger will slowly subside. This doesn’t mean it will entirely disappear but you will undoubtedly, with practice, begin to feel a big change in the way you feel.

This brings me to my second and favorite way of facing my emotions. This one definitely will take more practice and patience but will ultimately help you become one with your emotions rather than fight them. This method is to accept the emotion. As you feel frustration arise, begin by naming it “frustration… frustration… frustration.” This helps you determine what exactly your feeling. As you keep saying this in your head, begin to relax into it. Don’t push it away. Don’t fight it. Don’t even think of it as a “bad” emotion. It’s simply an emotion that you have labeled as “bad.” All it is is a portion of your current reality. It’s a part of you. As you become more mindful of this, you’ll feel like you’re watching the emotion from a quiet place deep inside you, like you’re watching a flame flicker in a gentle breeze. Lovingly look at whatever emotion you’re currently experiencing and with compassion, begin to accept it more and more as a part of you. Your body will soften. Your mind will relax. Most importantly you’ll begin to see that these emotions have no sway over you, just your ego.

The power now lies in your hands rather than with the emotion. You are in control. Next time you find yourself in an argument with a friend or love one or are becoming frustrated with a project, take a moment to step back. Through mindfulness practice, you’ll be able to catch yourself sooner and sooner. Your strength is now in how you can accept these powerful emotions into you with love rather than by pushing them away. These emotions are what make you human. Appreciate them for everything they are.