The only thing we have to fear… is fear itself.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Have you found yourself stressed and filled with anxiety over the news recently? It could be from the health threat of the coronavirus, the stock market crashing, the seas rising or just that the world seems to be in disarray. I think most of us have seen the panic of the videos of those fighting over toilet paper rolls in grocery stores. However, when it comes down to it, these threats are primarily built up in our minds to be greater than they actually are. Our mind can be like a runaway train, imagining one worst case scenario after another.
Our minds create stories and narratives to help us better understand the complicated world around us. This has helped us throughout evolution to survive, however, now, these stories often distract us from actual reality preventing us from living fully in the present moment. We may be thinking about what we’ll be doing next week or next month. We might be anxious about the direction of our career, where a new relationship will take us, or the impact of something bigger, like a lay off or a divorce. Fortunately, with mindfulness, we are able to step in between our stories and the reality before us, allowing us to see the peace that we are naturally meant to be living in.
Step 1) Awareness of When We Tell Stories
As in most practices, awareness is the best foundation in which to build our mind. You’ll soon notice habits you have and what areas of your life you might fear. The biggest area that I learned I fear is that I was scared to fail, a common fear among everyone. When I was presented with an opportunity or a decision, I quickly choose the easier or more likely to succeed option. This created a sense of comfortability but in doing so I began to feel more and more empty. I felt like I was moving away from who I really was. In acknowledging and sharing this, I am even more confident that it is something I need to and can address, as this vulnerability helps foster even more confidence as I become more comfortable addressing these issues. By being willing to stay honest with yourself, you can do this too.
An easy way to know if you are telling yourself a story is simply to pay attention to your body. When you are stressed your body tenses up. Notice this and then begin asking what story you were telling yourself. Were you running through the possibilities of a situation, like reliving an argument in the shower or going through the Possible disaster highlight real of the things that could go wrong in a decision of yours? Become cognizant of when you become stressed and you’ll soon see the story your mind is telling you.
Step 2) Stop Telling the Stories
There is a story of a Buddhist monk who was walking through the woods with some of his disciples when they came across a clearing. In the center of it was a giant boulder. The master looked toward his students and asked, “Is that boulder heavy?” The students stated confidently, “Yes master. It’s very heavy.” The monk smiled and said, “Not if you don’t pick it up.”
In our minds, the giant boulder in the clearing represents the stories we tell ourselves. These are not something we need to pick up and get tangled within. However, the fear often expressed When told to stop telling them is “if I do this, won’t I just be ignoring these problems? Won’t I still have to face them? These stories are helping me prepare for them.” In fact, just the opposite is true. Have you ever dreaded doing or procrastinated doing it because of what you thought might happen only to find out when you actually did it, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it seemed? An example we can all relate to is hyping up a date with someone we like thinking about what could go wrong and then the date happens and you have a great time. Your mind builds up so many false narratives to protect you when in reality they hinder you from the preciousness of that moment.
This doesn’t mean that we ignore the issues or events we face but instead stopping them gives us the best opportunity to approach them with a clear, focused mind. To do this is the main practice of Buddhism. In doing so we are able to enjoy life with a more open, loving heart for both the people and the experiences in it. What I always say is “Prepare for the worst but expect the best.”
Step 3) Centered in Your Happy Place
Let’s begin with creating a space to work with the storytelling mind. To do so I want you to sit upright and focus on your breathing. Count each inhale as one and each exhale as two, working your way up to 10 before restarting at one. If you lose track of the breath don’t worry, simply begin back at one.
After two to three minutes of this, I want you to bring to mind a moment in your life where you felt relaxed, loved, and/or at peace with yourself. Examples may include when you look at a loved one or someone close to you, an outing with family/friends, or when you were doing an activity you loved. My two go-to’s are 1) when I’m at the Thanksgiving dinner table with my family and 2) sitting on a bridge above a babbling brook in Colorado with a friend of mine. Both of these bring me a feeling of warmth, bliss, and love. I want you to spend a moment discovering what moment does this for you and how it makes you feel. I feel a light, buzzing energy in my chest like it’s become wide open and I’m able to absorb anything with love and compassion. You may feel something similar to this.
Once you’ve found this moment in time I want you to focus solely on your body. How does it feel? Certain areas may feel light, energetic, warm, excited, calm, buzzing, numb, etc. It doesn’t matter what sensations flow through you, all that matters is knowing what your body feels like when you rest in that moment of true love and bliss. In doing this you have found your center. Spend time meditating on this feeling even if it is just for 5 minutes a day. I promise you’ll start to feel a difference in your body and the way you look at life.
This is the open-hearted presence that the most impactful spiritual and social people have operated from. This includes the Buddha to Jesus Christ, from Martin Luther King Jr. to Mother Terresa. These people found that place within themselves where no amount of hatred or injustice could overcome the love in their hearts. This is where you must center yourself.
By becoming first aware of when you are telling these stories, then learning to relax by not letting your mind run away with them, and finally practicing returning to your original nature – your happy place. This awareness centered in love and compassion is what has led so many great minds to accomplish what they have in their own lives as well as the lives of others. With time, you too will find you can live in this state and in doing so you’ll be happier and more fulfilled. You now hold the power to start changing your life.
If you’d like to learn more about this, I’d suggest reading “Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chodron and “The Wise Heart” by Jack Kornfield.
This was so helpful Nicholas! Thank you!