Earlier this week, I was laying on the couch as my little sister read aloud her college application prompts. It brought me back to those fun-filled years of stress and uncertainty as to what my future may hold. As she did this, I surprisingly began to feel claustrophobic.

I soon saw why this was the case. Each college would ask questions as to why she would be a good fit at their school, what value she would give to the school, and how she would fit in with the school’s community. I had become claustrophobic because I had the same feelings pop up as I did back then – trying to conform to what others would like.

I had done the same thing in school, on dates, in job interviews, and even around different groups of people. I was a social chameleon, blending in with the people and world directly around me. However, in doing so, I was no longer in connection with my true identity.

This was something I had done all throughout my life, as most people do (to an extent). These feelings clearly had nothing to do with applying to colleges but were about something much deeper. In trying to conform to what I thought others would like, I was living further and further from my values.

This alienated me from who I truly was and in turn, I felt as if I came off as inauthentic. The foundation of my being had crumbled in an attempt to conform to the vision of others. I barely could recognize who I was or who I was becoming. My choices were made to follow the path of least resistance with friends, relationships, and many other realms of my confused life.

One thing we do is we place ourselves and others in boxes in an attempt to simplify the complicated world around us. But life rarely is this straight forward. What happens if we don’t belong in a box?

There are times in our lives when we are given the privilege of having stark clarity of what we want and the questions we must ask ourselves. Often this includes the search for our true meaning and purpose. For me, there is one sentence that drives my search for meaning.

For only when I know who I am, will I know what’s possible.

We have unbounded potential. The stories that inspire us are those that reflect the power of belief and the triumph over struggles we resonate with. We find inspiration in the story of an immigrant who came from nothing and found success through hard work. Equally, we feel compassion for the person who was wrapped up in their money/fame/power, only to lose it all, and after their fall, lived from a place of appreciation and humility.

Regardless, they prove themselves worthy of the highest praise by finding success through the expression of their truest values and ideals. They gallantly stare down each obstacle as a test of their character. Will they harness their inner potential or will they succumb to the pressures around them?

Next time you’re out with family or friends, on a date, at work, or in a job interview, challenge yourself to live by your values. Stick to what you believe in and don’t be afraid to speak up. Not only will those around you gain a greater respect for you, but you’ll also find inner freedom and resolve in your life.

I’ve found that in times where I’ve released my conditioned shell, it’s felt like taking off a tight shoe after a long day. Your best self is the unfiltered, raw you. There’s no need to fit yourself into another’s box. For only when you know who you are will you know what’s possible.

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