Why So Serious?

In the mid 200’s Saint Lawrence was responsible for taking care of the poor and the sick of his area. He gave away and sold all of his church’s gold. However, the Prefect of Rome, a greedy man, demanded to be given the Saint’s church’s possessions. Saint Lawrence gathered up all of the sick and the hungry and said, “Here is my town’s fortunes.”

The Prefect didn’t love this act of showmanship. As a result, Saint Lawrence was sentenced to death by being burned alive on an iron grill. He was tied up and thrown on the grill before they lit the flames below him.

After a few minutes of what was likely agonizing pain, he began to yell out, “I’m well done. Turn me over!”

That’s right. Even in the face of pain and death, this was a man who refused to take anything in life too seriously. He knew a secret that few understand. Life is a game. It’s meant to be enjoyed and joy can be a choice.

We each have certain ideas about how things are supposed to go. We have expectations about our lives or that of others, how we should be treated, and how others should be acting.

The truth is these expectations can set us up for failure. Our expectations are what hold us back from many joys in life.

As a kid were you ever expecting a present and then the gift was close to what you wanted, but just not right? You’d put on a fake smile but you’d nonetheless feel let down. (We’ll pretend this doesn’t also happen as adults)

Now, what if you had expected to get nothing? You weren’t expecting that gift but you had been given one. Odds are you would be ecstatic that the other person was thinking of you enough to buy you that gift.

It’s never the experience that disappoints us but rather our expectations of what it should be that does.

When I said joy is a choice earlier you were probably thinking that’s complete BS. In fact, it’s just a mental practice of appreciating the moment now, and most importantly, letting go of expectations.

Have gratitude for the simple things around you. Watch leaves fall on a brisk autumn day. Listen to the sounds of them crunch beneath your feet. Smell that same fall air you did when you were a kid and see what memories come flooding back.

Even your commute to work, where you might be stuck in traffic, can become something beautiful. You might see a ray of sunlight dance across your hand. Feel the texture of the steering wheel. Notice the beautiful symphony of people working together to make sure that your car doesn’t budge an inch in traffic.

Each moment is rarely life or death but when our anxieties make us think it is, our bodies and minds begin to tense in preparation for what is often a nonexistent threat. Notice this next time you’re in a stressful situation

It’s interesting. F1 drivers are moving around tracks at over 200 mph and sometimes pulling over 6 G’s on their turns. However, they don’t grip the steering wheel firmly as they do this. They try to remain relaxed in their hands and arms so they can think and move more easily. That same is true for our hold on life.

Worrying won’t help us. I used to think focusing on the golf course meant noticing all of the places where I shouldn’t hit it and then trying to make sure I don’t hit it in those places. Does that sound familiar to you?

You might be focusing on what your partner is doing wrong after a long day instead of what they’ve done right. You give someone the bird when they cut you off when in reality they might be rushing home to their sick kid.

When you take a moment to question your thoughts they lose their power. Then it’s like watching clouds go by. Oh, there’s a thought. Oh, there’s a thought about the guy who cut me off. That’s a weird thought, that’s pretty interesting.

True focus is the ability to take a moment and look where you WANT TO GO, not where you don’t want to go. It takes discipline to laugh at a moment in your life that was awkward. It takes hard work to pay attention to what your partner is doing right instead of the million things they’re doing wrong.

The truth of the matter is it all doesn’t matter – all of those little things that we stress over. When a pet or person leaves your life it’s not frustration and annoyance you feel toward their flaws but rather how you loved those quirks. You realize those actually made them who they are. Have this attitude toward people and things while they’re still in your life.

Saint Lawrence showed us that even in a life and death situation, we don’t need to act like it’s life or death. Be playful. Be flexible. Flow with and enjoy life.

Life will continue forward. You have the choice to bend like a tree in the wind or snap from rigidity, resisting the moment with prior expectations. I’ll leave you with the 76th verse of the Tao Te Ching, which I believe summarizes the flexibility needed in our lives now.

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