Push Vs Pull… And The Journey There

The primary motivators in each of our lives are often the subconscious systems we developed when we were younger to create meaning for life’s events. As we went through life, these processes helped keep us out of harm’s way. They protected us when we failed while also helping us achieve goals ourselves or others set for us. These methods are neither good nor bad because they all served a purpose at one point. But as we’ve gotten older, although the conditions of our lives have changed, these have not.

There are two primary driving forces in our life. The first is external motivation, a reward system based on results outside of us. This could be getting a promotion, earning a certain amount of money, or getting a laugh from a joke we told. This is a results-oriented way of looking at life. The other form of motivation is Internal. It is a type of motivation that only we can create based on self-love, passions, and knowledge of ourselves. However, this can be an elusive force as most of life is driven by external rewards.

If you’re like me, you’ve likely spent most of your life fueled by external motivation. I worked to get certain grades to go to a certain school to get a certain job. I would push myself to do better in life, to be better, but when I fell short, my internal voice would tear me apart, telling me I was not good enough or that I was not living up to my potential. Maybe I would even tell myself I had no worth. This is clearly not a method you’d condone a child, friend, or loved one to use, but this is still what drives many of us.

As I became sick years ago, I began noticing this. At the time, my mind was not a place I wanted to spend much time in, and I did a great job at staying well outside its city limits. But this illness forced me to stop and look at my life and inner world. I realized my former metrics of grades, salary, and promotions were no longer methods I could use to track my progress through life and how I would compare my struggles, lifestyle, and work ethic to others. I would compare my whole life to others without taking the time to see it wasn’t a competition and that there were simply areas where I was different from others.

But none of these comparisons lead me back within myself. There was a growing disconnect between my life and who I was. When I compared myself to others, it was like I was pulling my mind outside my body and leaving behind my authentic self in pursuit of what I or others believed to be success. Due to this, I knew I needed to find new ways in which I could define and create the success I wanted in my life.

This is how I discovered a new way of looking at motivation in my life: Push vs. Pull

It is not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and step likewise.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Chariots of Fire is one of my favorite movies of all time and was the winner of Best Picture in 1981. It depicts the true story of two Olympic runners from the early 1900s. The first is Harold Abrahms, a driven Jewish man who works to fight the system that he feels, and rightfully so, has oppressed him and his people for so long. The other runner is Eric Liddel, a Scottish legend and a devout Christian bound for overseas travel as a missionary. However, during the 1924 Olympics, their paths cross.

Each runner is incredible in their own right, and each has a different path to the top. The most notable difference between the two is the method and mindset they harness to reach their goals.

Abrahms is fighting the system. He is proving others wrong. His internal monologue is, “Let me show them how good I am and, in doing so, prove my own worth.” He has found motivation in life by pushing himself toward an end goal. Before his final 100-meter race, he says, “And now, in one hour’s time, I will be out there again. I will raise my eyes and look down that corridor, 4 feet wide, with ten lonely seconds to justify my whole existence. But will I?” His conquest is lonely. It’s him vs. the world. And that’s ok.

Now, Liddell has a different approach. He is being pulled toward his goal by life and love itself. One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from him in this movie. He turns to his sister and says, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure.” When he runs, he embodies his very being. In that moment, he is his most authentic self. Rather than Eric vs. the World, he feels like it is he and the world. He is working with the flow of the universe, and his soul is bound to each one of his actions because they are the most genuine expression of who he is.

I’m not saying either is right or wrong; they are simply a different means to an end. We likely harness both methods in our daily lives. We are all sometimes like Abrahms. We push ourselves to get that extra rep in at the gym. We push ourselves to stick to our diet. We push ourselves to sit down to meditate. And at times, we are also Eric. We make decisions, have conversations, and act as our true selves. You may notice this feeling in a hobby of yours or a random encounter on the street, but the moment is unmistakable. In that moment, you felt like you.

What is important, however, is to become aware of this and how we are motivated. Both runners attain the goal they strived for in the movie (and in real life). They both won Olympic gold medals. One runner proved his worth, and the other his faith. However, what would happen if neither runner had accomplished this feat? How would their lives be different, both externally and internally?

Abrahms had one internal task: to prove his own self-worth. He felt this would only be achieved through outward accomplishments. It was not something that he could give himself but something that would be earned when he saw it in the eyes of those around him. But this can only come from within, not from his experiences outside himself. Had he failed this task, he may have never achieved this sense of wholeness and fulfillment. His drive got him so far, but at a certain point, things may not end up in his favor, and he would have been left with nothing.

On the other hand, Liddell was being pulled not by an end result or goal but rather by a process. When he ran, he found peace within himself. There was no tension between who he was and who he could be because he felt that when he ran, they were one and the same. He had an inner sense of self-worth that no one but he could take away. His destination was the same, but rather than whipping himself like Abrahms, he was open and receptive to whatever unfolded before him. Upon seeing this path through life, he felt his authentic actions would lead him to success, whether that be internal or external.

Then where does that power come from, to see a race to the end? From within.

Eric Liddell

We are each tasked with determining what will pull us through life. Maybe we are pulled by a cause greater than ourselves, a person we are devoted to, or the question that has driven me these last few years is, “Who do I want to become through this?”

Who would I want to be in sickness or health, success or failure, joy or apathy? When I forget the answers to this, I go back through my life and notice what moments I felt the most fulfilled, where I felt whole. I have realized that there is very little correlation between good/bad events and fulfillment; instead, it was how I showed up in those moments. The primary overlap of this ven diagram of fulfillment has become authenticity. Did I show up as myself? The authentic moments in life, where we feel unequivocally like ourselves, regardless of the situation, end up meaning the most to us.

Don’t get me wrong, being pulled toward something in life doesn’t mean you get to sit back and relax. It still involves hard work, disciple, and focus, but the drivers behind it are now different. You will have to push yourself, but it will be toward passion, joy, and love rather than away from fears and insecurities. The action may be the same, but the mindset makes the difference. That is why the process is what’s important; it is what defines us as people. The way we approach life is an expression of our inner world.

When pushing ourselves, it is like a nightmare where we are running, but our feet are stuck. There is a fear with push. There is a feeling that we can lose something, so we have to push ourselves. But when we are pulled, we open more to the present moment. There is love and patience as we have nothing to lose but instead have everything to gain. Notice what you feel between the two. Rather than date to avoid being alone, date to share a fulfilled life with someone. Rather than work just for a paycheck, work to learn and hone the skills of your job so that one day those may be applied to a career or path you are more passionate about (I promise you’ll still get paid regardless).

When we push ourselves, we become results-oriented. It’s exhausting to push. It’s like we are being ridden and whipped by our own minds. And the only relief we feel is when we cross that finish line. But what if we don’t cross it? What if we don’t achieve that goal? What then?

When we learn to find something that pulls us, we become process oriented. Each step becomes an act of us being pulled by something greater than us. Each act is an expression of our authentic selves if we let it. Then, success is defined by our presence, discipline, and the things we can control rather than by results and aspects of life outside our control. Then nothing in life is a failure, only a stepping stone to future success. This is how I’ve learned to define success.

You see, it’s not the events or experiences in life that matter, but the meaning and purpose behind them. Think about hugging someone you dislike versus hugging someone you care for deeply after a long time apart. It is not the hug that matters but the connection and intimacy behind it. Your goal at that moment is to feel what’s there. The same goes for a good movie, a beautiful song, or even a note from a friend. The journey is what becomes important. Do you listen to music to finish the piece, or do you do so to enjoy the actual song? How are you looking at your own life? Are you pushing to get to a particular destination with a promotion, relationship, or vacation, or are you there for the journey made up of both good and bad days?

I don’t condemn the parts of me that are pushing to avoid pain and praise those that are being pulled by love. I know some days I may push and others I may pull. All I’m doing is looking to create awareness within myself of the motivations for my life. We do not have the power to control life; we just influence it. Our true power is our mindset, and that lies within our control. And that’s where my attention is focused.

Our inner world sets the stage for our external one, and in learning to become aware of how we motivate ourselves, we take one more step toward true self-mastery. Take a look at your life. What are you pushing yourself toward, and what is pulling you? Who do you want to become in this lifetime? The destination is yours to determine, and the story is yours to write. What kind of story will it be?