For the first time, I recorded an audio version of this post so more people may be able to enjoy it. This post is a 12 minute read/listen. If you read one post of mine, I hope it’s this one. It’s been my greatest teacher in life. Enjoy!
“If there’s no struggle, there’s nothing. There’s no journey. There’s no magic. You get to make that magic. It’s like if you have a distance to go, you get to have a journey. You get to be the story. Imagine being born into an environment where you don’t even get to have a journey. I think life is too much of an experience, and I’ll tell you this: It’s awesome.”
Theo von
The first noble truth in Buddhism is that there is suffering. This is often the most difficult truth to accept in our lives, but we are tasked with learning how to face our suffering and the suffering of the world. Nonetheless, it can be challenging to find a perspective in which we can remain open to life’s toughest moments, learn from them, and even appreciate them.
However, it is often in the fires of pain and suffering that our character is forged. We can run from the challenge or charge into it. Gratitude is our sword in these battles.
I’m sure you each have heard the merits of practicing gratitude in your daily life. You’ve had friends with gratitude journals or practices. You’ve said what you’re thankful for at Thanksgiving and enjoyed small glimmers where you find appreciation in the little things. But this is only a sliver of what genuine gratitude is capable of.
What do you do when your life doesn’t go as planned? What happens when it feels like you’ve been betrayed? What happens when you’re hurt and don’t know what to do? What happens when you meet a seemingly insurmountable obstacle? Well, this is where gratitude can really flex its muscles.
The best time for gratitude is when we face life’s hardest tests. In those moments, who we are is revealed, but we are also given a chance to forge our character and self-belief.
THE HERO’S JOURNEY
I want you to take a moment to focus on one thing: the greatest heroes and inspirations in your life. This can be characters from books, movies, family, friends, or those throughout history.
It could be your mom, dad, sibling, friend, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Rocky Balboa, Mulan, or Frodo. These people and characters have one thing in common – A Hero’s Journey.
We don’t profoundly respect a character or person who has had it easy their whole lives and learns nothing. Typically, these people end up being the villains because they have never been tested in life or have refused to grow and help others when given the chance. Those we relate to the most, those we wish to become, are those who had to fight for what they believed in. They had to face challenges and, in the process of doing so, learn the lessons that would later define them.
We love a worthy hero who battles a worthy villain. The way they face the villain determines the person they will become. Will they succumb to the obstacles before them, or will we see them fight through adversity, face trial after trial with courage, and become the best version of themselves?
Either way, the strength and size of their villain, inner mountain, or obstacle will determine how much they can grow. The true hero’s journey requires us to go inward and confront our deepest beliefs. You must become the hero of your life.
The bigger the challenge, the bigger the opportunity for growth.
LIFE IS 10% WHAT HAPPENS TO US AND 90% HOW WE REACT TO IT
For the past five weeks, I have been in a German clinic going through intensive treatments for Lyme disease, coinfections, and many other health issues. Every day has been a new journey with treatments that cook my internal body temp up to 107.6 degrees, clean my blood through filter after filter, electric shocks, and hundreds of needles in my body. I have faced some of the worst fatigue, brain fog, headaches, migraines, nerve pain, and flu-like symptoms I’ve had in the past few years.
But at no point during my treatments here have I felt sorry for myself. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Through all of this, I have had one perspective…
That I am grateful for it all.
I am being given a chance to let these events shape me. I don’t get to decide my circumstances, but I do get to choose who I become through it all.
I have the chance here to practice optimism, self-acceptance, patience, and courage in an arena far more challenging than I’ve been in before. Time after time, I have thanked whatever was before me, whatever pain I faced, or whatever new treatment was added to my schedule because I know I am just being given another opportunity to be proud of how I showed up that day.
But I am not the only one in this clinic going through these trials and tribulations. Many of the people I have gotten to know here, I can now call great friends. Each day, they have shown me what it is to be human, in both the highs and the lows.
Countless times, I have seen these individuals choose to charge into their next round of treatments with courage despite the fears they feel for the pain ahead. I have seen people find success just in the fight to get through a meal without throwing up. I’ve seen former athletes bedridden, yet they slowly make their way out of bed to go to their next round of treatments.
I have witnessed the support of countless family members here with those they love. I have seen them show up for their loved ones time and time again, asking for nothing in return. I have seen true unconditional love.
I have seen doctors and nurses come in on their days off to check on patients in pain. They never stop caring.
There is a maid who always has the friendliest smile. She comes into my room during my daily treatments to arrange the stuffed animal my little sister gave me. Every day, I look forward to this stuffed animal being in new places, with sunglasses on, sipping coffee, or wrapped in my hoodie on cold days. It’s the little things that often have the biggest impact on others’ lives.
I have gotten to see the best of humanity, the indomitable human spirit at its finest, and countless individuals become the hero of their own story.
In the most uncommon places, I have found the strongest sense of beauty and gratitude for life.
None of us dreamed of this life growing up—I certainly didn’t. But we get to choose our perspective and how we will work with our circumstances. We do this not by forcing life to bend to our will; that will never work. Instead, we do this by accepting and facing whatever hand life deals us… with our inner resolve of character and virtue.
Every day here has been a time for me to practice gratitude. When I’m in bed, unable to sleep because of pain, I say thanks for the patience this journey has given me. When I am told a doctor messed up one of the treatment plans, and I have to redo it, I am thankful for the opportunity to practice forgiveness and have a deep-seated knowledge that things are always working in my favor.
As I have learned to see everything in my life as something to be grateful for, I find I am never as upset or perturbed by obstacles that inevitably pop up. Better yet, I have a chance to grow as a person. I have the chance to face life on my terms. Nothing will ever be able to take that away from me.
But gratitude does not begin with things outside of us. It must start within us. Like putting the planes oxygen mask on ourselves before we help others, we must first direct that gratitude and love toward ourselves. We must be grateful for what we have already overcome and for who we have become.
We must first be grateful for how far we’ve come.
TODAY’S PRACTICE: OUR GRATITUDE COOKIE JAR
Sometimes, it can be tough to see just how much work we’ve already done to better ourselves. We don’t notice the little habits, the little decisions we make day in and day out, that have helped shape who we are. But these are the moments we must learn to be aware of. This is where we can find respect for ourselves.
Once we learn to pay attention to these moments, we can build a cookie jar, a well of experiences to go back to in which we can say, “Look at this challenge I faced, and look how I overcame it. If I could overcome and learn from that, surely I can do that again.”
Look back to find some of these moments. They may not be obvious, but they are there.
Maybe you were exhausted after a day of work, yet you still showed up for a friend’s birthday party. Maybe it was a day when you were about to push yourself a little too far, and you decided to give yourself a break, a day to rest in bed. Maybe you took the time to help someone with directions while you were in a rush. Maybe this was the first day you didn’t think about someone who has left your life, or better yet, the first day you could appreciate their impact on your life, good or bad.
Life isn’t made up of just big wins; in fact, it’s often the small ones that define us. They are the crucial practice we need to face life’s most demanding tests.
Most importantly, this type of respect is the foundation upon which self-belief is built. It’s the beginning of how we create internal validation. We can learn to trust ourselves, our intuition, and our abilities to face whatever comes next. When we trust ourselves like this, contentment and peace, regardless of our circumstances, is never far away.
“In our darkest days, hope is something we give ourselves.”
Uncle Iroh (Avatar the Last Airbender)
Without struggle, there is no journey.
We all have had countless opportunities to turn back, hide from our fears, and avoid the challenges at hand. But what and who are you fighting for in this lifetime? Our destiny lies on the other side of our biggest mountains.
As I write this post from my hospital bed, all I can think about is how grateful I am for everything that has happened to me. Without this illness, I would never have known how possible inner change is. I would never have met so many inspiring people. I would never have gotten to truly experience such deep unconditional love from my friends and family when I could do nothing in return.
Gratitude for the challenge at hand lets us see that everything has a purpose, that we have a purpose. It allows us to live a life without regret because we can see how even our mistakes have led us to where we are now. No, we are not perfect, nor will we ever be. But it is the pursuit of a better self that makes life so exciting.
There is some good in this world. We get to see the best of humanity in the most unlikely places. We get to see the strength of ourselves in our darkest moments. If you look for it, humanity will inspire you, and so will you. Life is not happening to us. It’s happening for us. Gratitude is the key.
With this perspective, everything that happens is a blessing. Everything is perfect as it is.
If I could wish one thing for you, it would be this: learn to love this amazing life of ours, regardless of how it unfolds.
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Thank you, Nicholas. This was very timely for me. I suffered a traumatic brain injury 6 years ago, and it changed my life in unimaginable ways. For a long time, I could only focus on what I lost, because the changes were front and center every day. But I gradually came to see that there were some benefits that came with those changes.