Trusting the Process — An Inner Resilience for Life

“Staying positive does not mean that things will turn out okay. Rather it is knowing that YOU will be okay no matter how things turn out.”

Goals are important because they give us direction — something to strive for — and, perhaps more importantly, they shape who we become in the process. They provide us with a target, a sense of purpose. As Seneca said, “If a man does not know to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” We all have visions for our careers, relationships, and family lives. But too often, our biggest obstacle isn’t the goals themselves but our attachment to how we think they should be achieved. We try to control everything—the path, the timing, the outcome.

But how often has life thrown those plans aside and given us something completely unexpected? Life often has a way of showing just how little control we have over it. It is never that neat and tidy. Illness, heartbreak, and setbacks constantly shift the ground beneath us, making us question our next steps. The unknown is often what scares us the most. We must let go of how our lives unfold and embrace what is before us.

So how do we do this? How do we learn to step excitedly into the unknown?

We are tasked with creating an inner resilience, a positive mindset, that allows us to have the confidence to face whatever comes next.

There’s a big difference between real positivity and toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is the avoidance of difficult emotions, masking fear with forced cheerfulness. Genuine positivity, on the other hand, doesn’t ignore the challenges or discomforts of life, nor does it avoid the enormity of the task at hand; it acknowledges all of it and still moves forward with courage and optimism.

I know this isn’t easy. I know it can feel overwhelming. But as you may have learned by now, I would never ask you to try something I haven’t spent countless years working on myself. Recently I’ve needed this more than ever. Over the past three months, as I’ve endured intensive treatments in Germany, facing immense physical, mental, and emotional pain, I’ve noticed I’m in the perfect dojo to practice this mindset.

This post will, in many ways, be a pep talk to myself — reminding me to take things one step at a time and to move forward courageously, no matter how difficult the journey may seem.

So, let’s learn to live life on our own terms — by trusting the process and having faith in our ability to face whatever lies ahead.

MAYBE SO MAYBE NOT

The way we grew up learning is to categorize things, people, and ideas into specific categories. We’d learn about the differences between animals, learning to recognize birds, mammals, and reptiles. As kids, we were told to be wary of strangers and feel safe around our family. We’d learn about good and evil, right and wrong, black and white.

There was a purpose for all of this… It helped us make sense of a messy, complicated, and confusing world.

But as we’ve gotten older, this has become the very hindrance to the life we wish to live. We must learn to undo this way of thinking to enjoy the present moment and gain the most from our experience.

One of the most impactful teachers in my life, the Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron, often talks about dropping these narratives in our lives. Drop the labels and rest in the present moment. To do this, I reflect on an old Chinese fable called “Maybe so, maybe not.” It challenges me to look at life through a nonjudgmental lens. In turn, I learned to work with my life and to find trust in the present moment, regardless of the circumstances.

Only when we let go of our judgment of events can we learn to appreciate the experience for what it is, just another color on the painting of our life.

When we learn to let go of an event, choosing not to categorize it as good or bad but just an event, we learn to open to whatever might come from it. We are learning to trust the process and the yin and yang of life. That there can be darkness in light and light and darkness.

Maybe leaving your job allows you to find your true calling. Maybe your most recent breakup leads you to someone who understands you better. Maybe the hardship you face is preparing you for something greater.

“Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous?” — Morgan Freeman

Life doesn’t ask for our permission. It will teach us, whether we’re ready or not. The real question is: can we learn to love the lessons as they unfold?

Too often, we categorize life events as “good” or “bad,” when in reality, we can only say, “Maybe so, maybe not.” We can’t know the long-term impact of our experiences, no matter how certain we feel in the moment. In our suffering and struggles, we are given a profound gift: the chance to evolve into a higher version of ourselves.

The first time I truly experienced this was the day doctors diagnosed me in the summer of 2018…

Within 48 hours, I was diagnosed with multiple conditions. I was losing the ability to talk and walk, forgot my family members’ names, and was in terrible pain. I had to leave my job, move back in with my family, and I was told I may not live. Without a doubt, this terrified me as the world I had spent my life carefully building had fallen apart entirely. Not even rubble remained.

But little did I know that this was the most important event of my life so far.

I have faced countless hurdles and challenges over my last six and a half years of treatment. I have faced the worst pain of my life — physically, mentally, and spiritually. I have had to redefine what success means to me when those around me were leading “normal” lives with jobs, dating, and vacations. But this forced me to grow in ways I didn’t think I had in me…

I had to learn to find joy in the mundane. I had to learn to respect myself the most on days when I couldn’t get out of bed, knowing that those were the days that truly tested me. I came to understand that pain wasn’t an enemy; it was simply another sensation of being alive. Even when I felt numb from depersonalization, derealization, and depression, I started to see these feelings as temporary filters through which I was experiencing life. And in those moments, I was forced to get curious about things I never imagined I would need to explore.

One thing kept me grounded through it all: the belief that the lessons I was learning in my darkest moments could one day help someone else. Despite the pain, I held onto the thought that even a smile or a kind word could lift the burden of another. Maybe there was a purpose in my suffering — that perhaps, by facing my own trials, I could offer hope to others as they faced their own.

There’s no doubt that I have had countless days where I didn’t want to go on, where I wanted to throw in the towel and stop because it all hurt so much. But today would not be that day.

Because I chose to remain open and not let my circumstances define me. What has been my greatest hardship in life has also been my greatest salvation. In my darkest times, I have found the greatest light within myself. And I’ve learned that, no matter how painful life may be, we can always find the strength to rise from it.

OUR FAVORITE SELF ALLOWS FOR GRACE

It’s easy to trust the process and love life when everything flows smoothly — when the road is full of green lights, the wind is at our back, and life feels easy. On days like these, we effortlessly embody our favorite version of ourselves. But life doesn’t always hand us perfect conditions.

The real test comes during the darker moments — those days when the path feels impossibly dim, and we’re burdened by one challenge after another. These moments can feel endless, heavy, and lonely. Yet, strangely, it’s in these times that I’ve come to discover my favorite self.

We often expect progress to be neat and linear, especially when it comes to personal growth. But the truth is, growth rarely follows a straight line. Some lessons must be learned over and over again. We stumble, we make mistakes, and we fall — but the courage to stand back up, even when it feels impossible, is what defines us. Grace is not about perfection; it’s about making peace with ourselves on the tough days, even when those days feel like nothing more than survival. Simply showing up becomes a quiet act of bravery — I’ve learned that’s more than enough.

Here in this German hospital, I’ve been overwhelmed by the kindness of others. People often ask me how I manage to stay positive every day and how I keep smiling despite the pain we’re all enduring. The truth is, I’ve had countless days where the pain, both physical and emotional, feels unbearable. Days when I’ve been consumed by the task at hand. These moments are excruciating, not only because of the suffering but because every ounce of me has wanted to escape it — escape myself. I’ve wished desperately to flee to a time when I didn’t feel this way. I’ve resisted my own experience because I didn’t feel safe in my own skin.

But I’ve learned something powerful: I’m not alone. None of us are. We all have days like this. We will face injury, sickness, death, grief, and days when nothing feels right in our lives. Even though these days feel so lonely and isolating, we are never alone. These days are universal, and more importantly — they’re okay.

Fighting these feelings, resisting them, only makes them louder. It’s like telling someone angry to “just calm down.” Instead, I’ve discovered that becoming my favorite self doesn’t mean striving for constant positivity or perfection. It means granting myself grace and patience. It means learning to embrace the imperfect moments and letting go of the need to have all the answers.

Life’s challenges are like weights in a gym. They’re heavy, and they hurt, but they’re also what build our strength. Over the years, I’ve realized that true self-belief, self-confidence, and self-love aren’t born in ease — they’re forged in adversity. They’re shaped in those moments when we show up, despite the pain and fear. My favorite self isn’t the one that never falls — it’s the one that keeps getting back up. The one that stumbles, takes a deep breath, and says, “Okay, let’s try again.”

Through this practice, I’ve learned to find beauty in the struggle, purpose in the pain, and confidence in the small victories. That, I believe, is the root of real positivity.

Not every moment is about transformation. Some days are about showing up, even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. For me, the Nicholas who shows up, no matter how broken or exhausted, is the one I admire the most.

And that, I’ve learned, is enough.

“Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.” — Annette Funicello

Life is unpredictable, and the path we envision for ourselves is rarely the one we end up walking. There is no easy answer to life’s challenges. But when we trust ourselves, when we trust the journey — no matter how painful or confusing it might seem — we open ourselves to something bigger than our plans or expectations.

We begin to see that the most harrowing moments, the ones that test us the most, often shape us into the people we are meant to be. In the process, we realize that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the grace to fail, stumble, and get back up again.

True positivity isn’t about forcing everything to go right, avoiding discomfort, or pretending everything is fine. It’s about trusting that, no matter how things unfold, you have the inner resources to face what lies before you and that you will be okay.

I know now that I can openly face whatever comes my way, and if not, I will give myself the grace and patience I need as I learn to do so.

Trust yourself. Trust the process. And remember: you are already enough. Have the faith to let go of what you want, and life will give you what you need. You’ve got this.

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