15 min read – Link to the audio on Spotify: Your Golden Buddha SPOTIFY
Many of us are familiar with the Marshmallow Test, a psychological experiment designed to measure delayed gratification. In this test, children are given a choice: eat one marshmallow now, or wait and receive two later. The test became famous not only for what it revealed about self-control but also for how it linked the ability to delay immediate pleasure with future success. In fact, the test has been widely interpreted as a measure of success in life, with the idea that those who can wait are more likely to achieve greater academic, professional, and personal accomplishments.
But here’s the thing: we’ve been programmed to think of success as the ultimate goal, and many of us equate success with happiness. This notion is reinforced by the idea that happiness must be deferred—that it lies somewhere in the future, just out of reach.
Society encourages us to focus on what’s ahead, to sacrifice our present joy for the promise of a better tomorrow. But what if this relentless pursuit of future rewards is actually getting in the way of a fulfilling life? What if, instead, the key to living a good life is not about waiting for happiness but finding contentment in the here and now?
And maybe that’s not the full picture of the Marshmallow Test either. It’s not just about delayed gratification, but also about how we engage with the rewards we receive. What happens once you have that marshmallow, whether you waited or not? The second test, in my view, should be about how much you can truly enjoy that marshmallow—how present you can be with it without immediately focusing on what comes next. Can you savor it, appreciate it for what it is, and experience the joy of the moment, rather than letting your mind race ahead to the next goal or reward?
The challenge, though, is that contentment doesn’t come easily. It’s not just about being in the here and now—it’s about overcoming the mental obstacles that prevent us from fully embracing our present circumstances, where the real reward—the happiness and bliss—is always ahead of us. Too often, we avoid discomfort, compare ourselves to others, or get caught up in the belief that we must always strive for more. These mental habits can keep us from experiencing true satisfaction.
Contentment isn’t about abandoning our goals or ambition. It’s about finding a balance—being able to appreciate where we are while still reaching for what’s ahead. When we embrace this balance, we unlock a deeper sense of fulfillment, one that transcends the relentless pursuit of happiness and teaches us to savor the journey itself.
Society Trains Us to Chase “Someday”—And Comparison Fuels It
From an early age, we are conditioned to wait for that mythical “someday.” We work for the weekend, for the bigger paycheck, for the next vacation, for the right partner, believing that at some point, we will stumble into the happiness we’ve been waiting for. Even when we do achieve something significant, the pattern continues—there’s always another goal to reach, another level to climb.
The billionaires who never seem satisfied, the high achievers who feel like frauds, the people who “have it all” but still search for more, all reflect this same cycle. They have been taught that if they aren’t happy yet, getting more will be the answer.
Comparison makes this cycle even worse. It’s easier than ever to feel behind when we are constantly shown the highlight reels of others. We see someone traveling the world and assume they must be fulfilled, but we don’t see their loneliness. We see someone in peak physical shape and think they have it all figured out, but we don’t see the battles they fight with body image. We see the perfect couple smiling in photos, but we don’t see the nights they spend fighting.
Comparison skews reality. We rarely measure ourselves fairly—we take our full, unfiltered experience and stack it against someone else’s curated moments of success. And because we only see the good, we convince ourselves that if we just had what they had, we too would finally feel at peace. So we strive harder, chase more, and push the goalpost even further. But even if we get there, we might still feel empty.
And Even When You “Make It”… It’s Still Not Enough
Take André Agassi, one of the greatest tennis players of all time. He spent his life chasing titles, wealth, and validation. He won eight Grand Slam championships, reached the pinnacle of his sport, and should have felt everything he had worked for finally pay off for him. From the outside, he had everything. But when he reached the pinnacle of his career, he admitted that he had never been more miserable.
In his autobiography Open, he revealed that he hated tennis for most of his career. Despite the money, the fame, and the success, he felt lost and empty. The thing he had sacrificed everything for—the thing he thought would make him feel whole—never did.
How many of us are doing the same? How many of us are chasing something, believing it will finally make us feel worthy, only to find out that the feeling we were looking for never actually existed in the thing itself?
This is the danger of living for “someday.” We become so conditioned to striving that even when we reach our goals, we don’t know how to enjoy them.
If we don’t learn to find contentment and peace now, we risk sleepwalking through life—always waiting, always chasing. Ferris Bueller said it best: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.”
As I’ve spent years in bed with chronic illness, it’s been easy to fall into the mindset that life is happening without me—that my twenties were stolen from me, that I’ve been forced to sit still while everyone else moves forward. It would be so easy to say, “Once I’m healthy, I’ll finally be happy.” But Agassi’s story is a stark reminder that that’s just another version of chasing the future, chasing a feeling.
Yes, a sick person has only one wish—to be healthy. But I have one more: To find contentment and joy where I am right now.
There are days of immense pain. There are exhausting treatments. There are moments when even breathing feels like work. But if I spend all my time waiting for that to change before I allow myself to feel peace, happiness, and contentment, then how can I ever truly enjoy where I am now?
Life is not the destination. It is the journey.
If I finally become healthy and strong enough to live a thriving life, I don’t want to arrive there having conditioned myself to still be waiting for another future moment to save me.
Tomorrow is uncertain, but today is here. If we’re waiting for everything to be perfect before we allow ourselves peace, we risk never fully experiencing the richness of where we are now.
This isn’t about rejecting ambition. I will always strive for a better future—for myself and for those around me. But I refuse to see this present moment as merely a stepping stone to something better.
The Obstacles to Contentment
There are three things that keep people from feeling content with life:
- We take things for granted.
We often don’t realize the ways in which we are blessed—until something is taken away. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but why does it take absence for us to appreciate what we have? A clear nose when we have a cold, the comfort of hot water, the presence of loved ones—these everyday blessings fade into the background until they’re gone. We don’t think about how much joy is hidden in the small, ordinary moments until we no longer have them. - We believe happiness exists in the future.
We’ve been trained to think that happiness is something we achieve, something waiting for us just over the next hill. This is the marshmallow moment—so focused on the reward ahead that we miss out on the richness of the present. Even when we get what we want, we quickly set our sights on the next goal, the next achievement, the next mountain to climb. The cycle never ends. We chase happiness as if it’s something to be found, when in reality, it’s something to be noticed. - Comparison.
Comparison is the thief of joy. We see what others have—the life, the money, the fame, the success—and assume they are happy. We assume they’ve figured out something we haven’t. But we don’t see their struggles. We don’t see how they, too, might be chasing a feeling just out of reach. When is enough, enough? We convince ourselves that if we just string together the perfect moments—a beautiful morning, a great meal, a fun evening—day after day, we will finally feel fulfilled. But fulfillment doesn’t come from perfect moments. It comes from realizing that this moment is already enough. The imperfection of life is what makes life worth living.
The Solution: Stop, Notice, and Live Fully Now
Stop wishing for things to be different. It’s not about stopping your efforts or ceasing to improve your life, but stopping for a moment to fully notice where you are right now. We don’t have to give up on our goals, but we need to pause and truly appreciate the present. We can still work toward a better future, but we also need to find peace with the present moment, as it is.
When we are stressed, anxious, or rushing through life, we blind ourselves to the beauty of the present. We believe living fully means doing more, experiencing more, achieving more—but in reality, that only keeps us skimming the surface, one thing to the next. True presence requires us to slow down, to take it in, to notice. And the simplest way to cultivate contentment is to recognize what we are already blessed with. We have so much around us—so much magic, passion, and love—and yet, we so often let it slip through our fingers unnoticed.
But why do we only seem to notice once something is gone?
Deprivation has a way of revealing what we take for granted. We don’t fully appreciate health until we’re sick. We don’t cherish a moment until it becomes a memory. And we don’t realize how much we love someone until they’re no longer there. Loss forces us into appreciation, but why do we wait for that? Why not appreciate now, while we have it?
We don’t have to wait for something to be taken away to realize its value. We can start noticing it today. The way sunlight hits a table. The sound of laughter in another room. The simple comfort of a deep breath filling our lungs. These small, unassuming moments are where life is actually happening.
But contentment isn’t just about noticing. It’s about allowing ourselves to enjoy.
We convince ourselves that rewards have to be earned, that we should save the nice wine for a special occasion, or hold off on indulgences until we’ve ‘deserved’ them. But what if we stopped waiting? What if we let ourselves enjoy the little things now—not as a reward, but just because we’re here, living?
One of my favorite things to do is take myself out for ice cream once a month. Normally, I don’t eat dairy or sugar, but once a month, on a completely random day, I decide that today is the day. It’s not after some big accomplishment or a special occasion—it’s just because I feel like it. I walk into my favorite ice cream shop a few houses down from my Mom’s, and Merit, the woman behind the counter, already knows what’s up. I always go in during the middle of the day when they’re not busy to try some of their new flavors. Usually, I’d just ask to try two or three, but she insists on leading me through the gauntlet, having me sample 10 to 15 new flavors. We have a blast. And in that moment, I’m just happy. There’s no grand reason for it, no big achievement attached. It’s just simple, spontaneous joy.
Living fully isn’t just about the milestones—it’s about letting yourself experience the magic in between them, in everyday life. It’s about saying yes to the things that make you feel alive.
Go on that spontaneous late-night fast food run, just because it sounds fun. Wake up early and watch the sunrise, even if you’re tired. Go smell the flowers at the grocery store, even if you’re not going to buy them.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Stop convincing yourself that joy needs to be justified. Let yourself live now.
We spend so much time planning, working, and striving that we forget to actually live. We push joy to some future date, saving it for when we feel like we’ve earned it. But life doesn’t work that way. The joy we keep chasing is already here. One day, you’ll look back and realize these little moments were the ones that mattered most.
Living a Good Life
In The Alchemist, a young boy seeks the secret to happiness from the wisest man in the world. The sage, living in a magnificent castle filled with breathtaking beauty, gives the boy a task: carry a spoon with two drops of oil through the palace without spilling them. On his first attempt, the boy focuses so intensely on the oil that he misses the castle’s splendor entirely.
The sage asks him what he thought about the art, the sculptures, the tapestries, and the boy realized his mistake. He noticed none of it. So the sage sends him off again.
On the second, he takes in the beauty of the palace but forgets the oil, spilling it. The sage offers this wisdom: “The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never forget the drops of oil on the spoon.”
We spend so much of life waiting—waiting for the weekend, waiting for milestones, waiting for the moment we’ve finally “made it.” We tell ourselves that once we succeed, once life falls into place, then we’ll finally get to enjoy it. But how often does that moment actually come? And even when it does, how long before we’re chasing the next thing?
Like the boy in the story, we’re often so focused on the “oil” in our lives—our responsibilities, ambitions, and goals—that we forget to look up. But at the same time, it’s not just about noticing what’s around us. It’s about actually living it.
What’s the point of working so hard if we never let ourselves enjoy any of it? What’s the point of chasing something if we don’t stop to appreciate what we already have?
You don’t have to abandon your goals, but you do have to let yourself live. Take the trip. Eat the good food. Go outside and feel the sun on your face. Let yourself enjoy things—not because you’ve earned it, but because this is it. This is life. Let’s enjoy it while we’re here.
True contentment isn’t something we have to earn—it’s something we allow ourselves to have. And maybe the real secret to a good life isn’t in reaching the next milestone or waiting for the perfect moment. Maybe it’s in learning how to balance both—to carry the oil, but to look up and take in the view while we’re at it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post, and if you liked it, please subscribe and share it with someone you care about!
Also, having just returned from six months of treatment in Germany, I want to take a moment to thank all the incredible friends I made there. Your kindness and support meant the world to me. As I turn 30 in just a couple of weeks, I’m feeling grateful for the journey so far and excited for whatever comes next.
Thank you.
Yet again, another win. What a powerful and meaningful message to wake up to. As always, they come at just the right moment. Thank you ❤️🙏