Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never learn to master it, we’ll have to learn to live with it – just as we have learned to live with storms.
Paulo Coelho
I was recently talking with a close friend of mine who has had bouts of anxiety for years. I could always tell when they were struggling with it. At social gatherings they would become tense, their shoulders would begin to rise closer to their ears, their movements would become stiff and they spoke less. When they had work or a big project it was easy to see because they would send me half a dozen random Reddit articles. It was clear they were distracting themselves from the task at hand. These anxiety stricken moments would sometimes last for minutes or hours, but many other times I noticed it would last a day or two. If this is something you’ve ever experienced you know what it feels like.
I can say that I had never been someone who had to face this, aside from the usual amounts of social anxiety. As a result, I never truly understood what they would go through and thought, “Why not just breathe and relax?” When I got sick this changed. I started having severe anxiety as my brain became swollen and inflamed. I had more severe panic attacks about once a week. Brain scans showed that the neurons in my brain were firing at an insane rate, causing it to be overactive and considered to be a “brain on fire.” The anxiety was also in part due to the fact that I was unable to remember simple things and struggled to form sentences. One example my family finds some humor in (and I thought was hilarious) was when my mom would ask me to go get my wallet from my room and 10 minutes later I would come back with post-its and a book, or a handful of pencils. This caused some stress but the stronger episodes of anxiety came from the fact that I didn’t know what my life would entail going forward. At the beginning, we didn’t know how much of my mental processes I would regain.
As my anxiety and panic attacks worsened I knew I wanted to find ways to not just beat them but also to understand and treat the root cause in case my brain never improved. These are the things I learned from reading stacks of books and articles on the subject, practicing constant mindfulness training, as well as repetitive trial and error. Regardless of the source of your anxiety, they can help you too. With practice, I believe you can better handle your own anxiety.
1) Becoming Aware of Your Anxiety – The Importance of Mindfulness
Self-observation is the first step of inner unfolding.
Amit Ray
This is the most crucial step of all of this. Without being conscious of when you become anxious and without knowing some of your triggers, it’s easy for anxiety to sneak up on you and soon we find ourselves stressed, tense and even paralyzed with inaction. Here is where mindfulness/meditation can be extremely helpful. As I discuss in last week’s Meditation 101, meditation is not about staying entirely focused on your breath, feeling or point in your body. The main goal of meditation is to become aware of when you have lost track of the point of focus and bring your attention back to it.
Work to find your unique cues when you become stressed. Each person’s is different. Meditation, even for just 5 minutes each morning, will help you be more mindful of these. I notice for me that my hands, shoulders, and jaw become tense. My breathing becomes more shallow and I no longer breathe into my stomach. I also pick up my phone and start flipping through every social media app on there. You might notice you have similar cues but the key is to pay attention to when you start to become anxious so you can step in before it snowballs.
2) What to Do When You’re Anxious – Tools to Use in the Moment
First things first, take a deep breath. The navy seals use a breathing tactic when they have a stressful situation so they can approach it with a calm demeanor. Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose, hold for 4 seconds at the top, then exhale for 4 seconds through your mouth, and hold for 4 seconds at the bottom. When you exhale focus on relaxing your jaw.
Many times when you are anxious your jaw will tighten, your shoulders will be raised and your muscles will be tense. Your breathing will become shallow and you’ll notice your mind is jumping from subject to subject. When you notice this, performing a body scan can be useful. Start at the top of your head and work your way down your body, noticing your jaw, face muscles, neck, shoulders, forearms, and hands, moving all the way to your thighs, feet, and toes. This allows you to pay attention to what areas become tight and sometimes just being mindful of them begins to release that tension.
Next, work to deepen your breathing, inhaling not just into your chest but filling up your abdomen and stomach area as well. This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system which will create a sense of calm and ease. If you’re tense and have shallow breathing, your body will still think it’s in a dangerous situation and it will be tough to combat any of the anxiety. By learning to use the tools your body has, you’ll be able to find that you have a much more powerful hand in your body’s fight against anxiety, that it doesn’t control you.
My favorite exercise is a visualization exercise to use when you are having trouble controlling your thoughts and your brain seems to be all over the place. Imagine you’re swimming in the ocean, you’re getting battered by waves and it seems like you can’t get out. Then do something simple. Duck under the waves and look up at them (your thoughts). Feel the gentle sway of the ocean and watch your thoughts and the turbulent seas above you from the quiet position below them. Continue to breathe deeply and feel a calm begin to wash over you.
These tools will all help you address your anxiety in real-time, but that won’t necessarily stop anxiety from continuing to bubble up.
3) Dissolving Anxiety Over Time
As I first started having anxiety, it was easy for me to push it to the back of my mind and distract myself with social media and Netflix. However, as it worsened, that no longer worked and I knew I had to find a way to work with it. One of the fundamental principles of Buddhist psychology is having the courage to face difficult emotions, people, and situations with an open, compassionate heart. That is to understand that all emotions and feelings, good or bad, are part of your current reality. I’ve used a common Buddhist tool that has paramount in overcoming my anxiety, despite the fact that doctors have said I have a “brain on fire.” I have learned to welcome anxiety into my life.
By this I mean when I feel my anxiety start to rise, instead of pushing the experience away, I focus all of my attention on it. I give it space in my mind and body. At first, when I did this it was scary. I thought that it would take over and I would be riddled with anxiety. You’ll notice when you first do this, the main thing between you and relaxing into the anxiety isn’t actually the anxiety, but your fear of it. I want you to try to open your heart to the experience. I want you to lovingly accept the anxiety. Picture what it looks like in your mind. How does it feel in your body? Are certain areas buzzing? Are others numb? Fully feel into this experience and with practice and time, you’ll start to ease into the anxiety more and more as you approach it with a loving/compassionate mindset.
I’m not saying this has been easy for me to do, but undoubtedly I would much rather take the time to practice this than be worried about anxiety creeping up on me when I’m with friends, out golfing, or just performing simple tasks. With time, you too can learn how to live with the anxiety and you’ll find that in doing so, its power over you fades. You’ll be in control of your experience, your emotions, and most importantly, your life. Conquering this will not only allow you to live a more peaceful and happy existence but tackling this will also give you confidence in other areas of your life as well. You deserve the best experience in life and no outside factor can give you this ease of mind. IT’S ALL UP TO YOU!