Strawberries

A man was walking through a field when he spotted a tiger. It began to chase him to a cliff’s edge when he saw a vine below and swung to safety. The tiger snarled above him, pacing back and forth as he clung to the vine for safety. He trembled, knowing if he fell he would surely die on the rocks below.

Just then, two mice scampered out and began gnawing at the vine. As they chewed, the man pondered over his fate. Suddenly, he saw a juicy, red strawberry on a ledge next to him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. Ah, how sweet it tasted!

I think the biggest realization one has in life is that no one knows what they’re doing. Not a single soul. We’re all winging it. Every man, woman, and child out there is just guessing what to do next. I am no different. I don’t have answers. I often don’t even have the right questions. And that’s ok with me. All I can do is enjoy the strawberries along the side of this cliff.

Everything you see on this blog is curated and filtered to some extent. I’m tested on a daily basis by my illness. I often show you the final product of months or even years of work I’ve struggled to reach. Most of the time, however, I begin in the muck.

I am in constant physical and mental pain. I have no energy. I have no idea what to do with my life. I have no idea where it’s headed. I have no idea when I’ll be healthy. All I have is a faith that I’ll be strong again soon. I have no solution to this just as I have no solution on how to face the rest of my life. All I can do is be present and remain open to any new doorways that may open.

I thought I had moved to South Carolina to finish my treatment and begin my pursuit of professional golf. The cornerstone of each day was focused on golf as I tiptoed around the areas of my health that were still holding me back. Every day has been a fight against nerve pain, fatigue, weakness, brain fog from headaches and migraines, depression, dissociation, and more. Nothing was coming easy and I thought if I just pushed through, everything would get better. Well, everything has not gotten better.

Instead of paying attention to the little things that bring joy moment to moment, I became stressed and overwhelmed about what the future would hold. I realized that I haven’t been going with the flow of life. The best way I can explain that feeling is it felt like I was moving about life with a 100 lb weight vest on.

I had lost the greater perspective on life. I had lost balance. Tunnel vision had consumed me as I assumed the other areas would work themselves out so long as I kept plunging ahead not asking questions regarding my destination. This mindset is undoubtedly a naive one.

I thought golf alone could be the crutch to get me through the pain but rather than being excited to get out there, I began to dread it, knowing that even though it physically hurt, I have the willpower to push through anything. Will power can be a double-edged sword and I have often been the recipient of both sides. As I became more rooted that golf was my salvation, on a daily basis I was choosing to undergo self-torture. Clearly this is a great place to be approaching life from.

I have no idea what my direction in life is. Sometimes it feels like I am lost in a mirrored maze with no exit. I’m running into the walls. The tools I share here are ones that have or are currently helping stabilize the course of my ship.

I share these tools not as a solution to problems, but as a beacon of hope for whatever you may be going through. I don’t have any answers. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. What I do know is that if tunnel vision causes me to lose the larger picture and balance within my life, I will miss the point of enjoying that fresh strawberry altogether.

Your Golden Buddha is meant to create a crack in your very foundation to help you see life in a different way. Each of us will take something entirely different from these posts. Even upon rereading some of mine, I see my mind in a new light. It is said that in re-reading a book many times, you no longer gain new knowledge from the text, but rather, you discover something new within yourself.

In life, we often are faced with the same obstacles and problems. However, although the problem may not change, we do. That is why these tools I offer are not meant to be a bandaid to our problems, but rather a new perspective to re-approach them, to test ourselves in a new way each time we face one.

My aim is to not just share tools that have helped me along the way but also cue you into the journey I’m facing – to show you the doors that have been slammed in my face and the windows that have opened after. I will be as transparent as I can be so that you can see even during the times in life where It appears I’ve hit a dead-end, that not all hope is lost. The same goes for your life.

When God closes a door he opens a window.

This Chinese proverb shows we have no way of knowing what will happen to us between birth and death and that all we can do is enjoy the fresh strawberries along the way.

One final note: Please enjoy the freshest of strawberries in the form of comedic gold (and also one of my favorite videos on the internet). I hope you all live life with as much enthusiasm as this woman has for her freestyle dancing…