Remain aware of your weakpoints; not knowing or choosing to ignore them means creating dangerous “blind spots” on the path to your success.
Archibald Marwizi
Have you ever been around someone who has a self-sabotaging habit that they seem to be completely unaware of? They might pull away in a romantic relationship when they get too close and then go after a new relationship, they might value being right over being effective in a group setting, they have an addiction that prevents them from functioning at their highest ability, or they say “yes” constantly when they need to say no to more things to free up time for what’s really important to them. When you see them do these things you often will think, “how do they not notice what they’re doing?” Well, those habits are in their blind spot and believe it or not, you have them too.
Before I got sick, I was someone who worked meticulously to cover up my insecurities, both consciously and subconsciously. I had always been a skinny kid so I worked out religiously to compensate. I was awkward so in high school, I would watch what mannerisms the “cool kids” had so I could replicate them. From then on, I developed a huge blind spot of trying to live in any moment but the one I was in and trying to be any person except the one that I was.
This continued to snowball until I became sick. After being bedridden, losing 34 pounds of muscle, having a brain too swollen for me to talk meaning I couldn’t socialize with anyone, living at home with my parents, and having no future career in the pipeline, I was forced to sit with my thoughts and evaluate how I had built up this life around me. This is when I began to see my blind spots, and this is when I actually began to grow.
Now you must be thinking, I’d absolutely love to get as sick as he did so I can grow and better understand myself. But before you begin trekking through the woods looking for any Lyme ridden ticks, read the rest of this. There are tricks and tools to do this on your own right now.
1) Awareness of the Ego
The first step is understanding that all of this is just the brilliant work of your ego. It thinks it’s here to put up a wall to protect you, keep you from imaginary harm, cover up your weaknesses, and keep everything the same in your life despite the clear changes that are happening around you. When you deny or resist change, that is your ego trying to remain in the safety of its already known world. This is a false security though, since whenever there is a major change in your life, the safe little room your ego has created simply falls apart (Think of the last time you went through a break-up, lost a job, moved as a kid or even when someone cancels an important outing on you.)
2) Working from a Quiet, Centered Place
Once you understand the role of the ego, you’re able to become aware when your ego is taking over to protect you from an imagined reality/scenario. The easiest way to get better at this is to meditate for a couple of minutes a day so when a stimulus comes along, something that would normally trigger a conditioned response from you, you can step in between the stimulus and reaction to see if your response is healthy or if it is hindering you to act from the right mind space.
This undoubtedly takes practice but the better you get at stepping in before you react, the more you’ll be able to prevent your ego from running your life. You’ll learn more about yourself by watching your reactions to things than anything else. When you start to see your conditioned responses, have compassion for yourself. Show yourself some love. You might not like what you originally find but this first step is a brave move in the direction of your best self. This is important because this is where you find the power in your life. This is one thing you can learn to control no matter what the situation is.
We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can choose how we react to them.
Epictetus
3) Ask Others
There is an Indian parable about 6 blind men who go observe an elephant for the first time. The first man touches the trunk and says, “It’s a snake!” The second feels the tail and says, “No! It’s a rope!” Yet another man puts his hand on the elephant’s sturdy leg and says, “It’s a tree!” The men begin to argue as to who is right thinking each is correct. Finally, a boy passing the elephant yells, “You’re all right because you each felt a different part, the elephant has all of the features you’ve just talked about!”
The thing about blind spots is each of us has them, but you don’t know what you don’t know. It sometimes takes the loving help of someone else to point out what you might be missing.
To find some more of mine, I recently sent out an email to about a dozen friends and family. I’ve included the email below in case you’d like to copy some of it and send this out as well. The people who know you best will be like the boy passing by the 6 blind men and the elephant, they will be able to point out things you may have missed.
You have so much more to learn about yourself and why not try to become the most complete version of yourself. Work to find those blind spots just as much as you are developing your strengths and I promise you will do just that. Once you see your blind spots, you will be able to work with them. You’ll notice your habits and programmed reactions to them. That is where you will begin to fully see yourself. To get started, here is what I sent out in an email:
Hello all, As I’m beginning to get healthier, I want to make sure I continue to explore my inner workings. This means understanding my strengths, my weaknesses, and my blind spots - areas that I might be missing or not know about. Each of you has a different perspective of who I am and what makes me me. I would love if you could take the time this weekend to briefly write down some things you find I might not be aware of, things that may hinder my growth, as well as what traits of mine you think will/has helped me be successful. I want brutal honesty and I want to be clear that in no way can you hurt my feelings. In fact you responding to this will just show how much you care for me and want to help me grow as a person! Thanks in advance and I love you!! -Nicholas
As you navigate these waters, remember that your ego will try to stop you in any way possible from seeing some of these blind spots. Work to create a love to be self-aware of your habits to combat its effect. By doing this you’ll be able to more confidently work with your previous conditioned responses to a stimulus. You might not be able to find all of your blind spots on your own, in fact, many have been lovingly pointed out to me by others, but this is where the real growth and self-work happens. This is where you’ll start to see who you are and what you’re capable of. Most importantly, this is where you will find the truest form of power and consistency in your life. You deserve this!