Aristotle argued that virtue lies between deficiency and excess, too much or too little of any trait can transform it from a superpower into one’s Achilles heel.

Last year as I was struggling to make it day to day, I became attached to the notion that if I worked hard and kept to strict regiments, my life would get better. But this was only a bandaid to the symptom of my depression. I was in a hole with nothing but a shovel, and rather than build steps out of it, I just dug deeper.

My key realization came when I noticed that I was no longer enjoying the simple things in life like drinking tea or going for a run on the beach. My attempt to outwork the pain in my life meant everything was for a reason other than just enjoying it. I was drinking tea to get caffeine in my body. My runs were to see just how far I could go rather than become entranced by the crashing waves at my side. This was how I recognized that two of my key strengths, discipline and grit, were actually harming me.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Each of our traits contains two in the one. Each is a product of the same two-sided coin. In one circumstance the trait of connecting with others can be extremely powerful, but on the other hand, it is being done to avoid internal strife, that same trait can lead to a deepening of that pain.

Here some examples show the idea of Buddhism’s “Middle Way” and how an excess or lack of anything can cause dangerous repercussions. Pay attention to how you connect to one or more of these.

  • A high achiever (+), but unable to enjoy the moment (-)
  • Highly adaptable (+), but lack structure and consistency (-)
  • Empathetic (+), but lack personal boundaries (-)
  • Energetic (+), but restless and anxious (-)

As you can see, the trait is good or bad in its own right. Rather, what determines its usefulness is how we use them in any given circumstance. True strength is the awareness to recognize when we are using it in the right or wrong situation. Success will come from playing our strengths in the right situation.

Removing Our Blinders

As with each opportunity for success, there are dangers involved. The trouble I’ve had is to become impartial to my circumstances to see my true intentions for each action. Our strengths can propel us to new heights but when we are too close to the problem at hand, we can become blind to the areas truly troubling us.

I had thought that hard work would lead to salvation from depression, but it had done just the opposite. I had blinders on and wasn’t able to see that this was happening. After understanding that it had caused the darkness to creep further around me, I realized that it wasn’t the trait itself that had made me more depressed, but in how I was using it. All I had to do was continue to ask “why” until I got to the bedrock of the problem.

Knowing this, I was able to quickly change my tactics. Rather than work hard toward goals I had with golf, I shifted the focal point to become mental health. I researched all of the best things I could do at the time to better my mental health.

Now instead of practicing 3-foot putts for 4 hours, I was going on slow walks through the cypress trees just to appreciate their twisting limbs. Rather than going to the range to practice wedge control I would spend time with friends so I was connecting with others.

I now know the key to harnessing my strengths is to make sure that my efforts are aiming me toward the right target and keeping me in the Middle Way. When my circumstances change, all I have to do is reassess by using my favorite one-word question, “Why?” to realign my efforts with the right intentions.

Strength led to my depression, some people connect with others well but it leads to them avoiding internal pain by always being with other people. For me it was outworking the pain. Our outlet for stress reduction is often digging us deeper.

Our strengths and weaknesses only have the meaning and the boundaries that we define. My illness, what I considered to be my biggest weakness at first, has led me to profound internal growth that will change the course of my life. My strength of discipline was only my ally when it was aligned with the best intentions.

It’s now clear to me that true strength is not dividing oneself or one’s traits into good and bad, but to know that each has its purpose, its proper time and place.

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