I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.

Charles Swindoll

We can perceive the events of each day as good or bad, lucky or unlucky. The experiences and circumstances we face will undoubtedly change, however, how we react to each one can become the one constant in our lives.

I’ve always found it easy to support myself when things are going my way. Whether it’s after doing well on a test in school, after a great shot or round of golf, or just in a normal social interaction with a friend, this is where the Ego thrives. It tells you you’re the best, that you’re loved, and that you deserve all the praise.

However, when things don’t go my way, when I fail, it’s easy to fall into an “unworthy” thought loop – one where I’ve associated my worth as a person with the level of success in any given action. This is where our Ego deserts us and we’re left with nothing but the moment and a racing, judgmental mind. How do we then react when we don’t have the physical events or accolades proving that we are worthy?

A bad day for the Ego is a great day for the Hero within.

Last week, I played golf for the first time in a year in a father-son tournament. I had many emotions come to the surface and among them, I noticed an attachment to my results began to re-grow.

I had done a million mental processes right that week and had actually been very proud of myself, but since my physical game didn’t shine through (mind you I haven’t played/practiced in a year and was dealing with pain from the treatment), my ego was still disappointed in my performance.

All I could do at the time was be grateful for the time spent with my Dad and those around me, but it still ate at me knowing that I could have played better. I ‘knew’ I had greater potential than what I was able to express. I’m sure I’m not alone in this attitude on the golf course or in other areas of life.

However, I didn’t let myself stop there. After I got back I began to ask myself questions that I’ve been facing since I began treatment. Can I still support myself when I fail? Can I love myself even when I don’t feel worthy of love? I began to journal on 3 questions. I tried to answer these as humbly and as honestly as I could…

  1. What did I do well?
  2. What could I do better?
  3. What lessons did I learn?

We might not handle a given situation how we’d like, but the wisdom we gain often comes not in the moment, but in our reflection of it afterward. Each day we can take a look at ourselves to see what we’ve done well and what we could have done better. Our failure only becomes failure if we don’t learn from it. I’m getting better at understanding that too. Maybe next time around I’ll be more aware of myself and be able to implement some of these lessons directly to my experience.

My favorite quote for this is “A bad day for the Ego is a great day for the Hero within.” When we aren’t at our best and our pride and ego tell us we’re not good enough, that’s our chance for that inner warrior to come out and say we are. It’s always easier to support ourselves when we do things right. The real challenge becomes supporting ourselves when we don’t.