You’ve Been Shoulding All Over Yourself

There was once a man walking in the woods. Upon reaching a small stream, he began looking for a bridge or log to help him cross it. He kept walking for a couple of minutes before finding a temporary bridge composed of just a 15 foot long, 6-inch wide beam of wood that connected the two sides.

As he was about to cross it, an old man stepped out of the woods and stopped him. The man said, “Before you cross, you must know that this is a magical bridge that teaches those who use it the most valuable lesson they need in their lives.”

The man said that was fine and began inching across the beam. He continued with no trouble as the plank of wood was only a foot from the stream below. All of a sudden the river dropped out below him and he now stood hundreds of feet above this newly created ravine. He began to shake as he looked down at what was bound to be certain death if he fell.

The old man asked why he stopped? The man yelled back, “Look at this!! If I take even one wrong step I’ll surely fall to my death!!”

The old man replied, “It’s not the plank of wood that’s changed, something within you has.”

He took a moment to think about this but couldn’t yet understand what the old man was saying.

The old man continued, “What has changed is not that piece of wood. Could you not walk across that easily if it were placed on the ground? What has changed is what you’ve told yourself about the task at hand. Your subconscious mind has heightened the stress on completing this task but rather than help, it’s made it much more difficult. Relax your mind and you’ll have no problem getting across this bridge.”

He took a deep breath, 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out. The fear left his body and he stopped shaking. When he reached the other side of the bridge the old man was gone and the stream was gently running just a few feet below the bridge again. He was left there to ponder the lessons of the bridge and old man.

The Power of our Subconscious Minds:

We have extremely capable and skilled minds. Every second we are processing over 11,000,000,000 bits of data. However, to make it more easily digestible, our brains filter this information and less than 100 bits actually make it through to our conscious minds. This means that we are actively dismissing 99.999999% of our reality.

Our subconscious minds then hold much more power than we believe.

You see, it’s not the events or circumstances themselves that give meaning to our daily lives, but rather the narrative we create around them. Due to this, our greatest strengths or stressors can come from an area we don’t think about often – our own self-talk.

In the story above, the man became riddled with fear when all of a sudden he had to make it across the bridge. It’s the circumstances in his mind that had changed. Something he could easily do on the ground suddenly becomes much more difficult. So why did this happen?

You’ve Been Shoulding All Over Yourself: “Should” vs. “Could”

To show you how this works, I’ve requested assistance from the words Should and Could. When we say “should,” there is an implied moral connection to the activity, a right and a wrong. I should go for a run and I should not lay on the couch watching Netflix.

When I say, “I should go for a run and get in shape” it adds tension to the fact that I’m not doing that. If I don’t go for the run then I feel guilty as I knew that I should go for one. Even if I do go on the run, it’s not as fulfilling as it’s something that I was morally obligated to do, not something I wanted.

However, replace “should” with “could.” Now the tone is entirely different. If I say, “I could go for a jog right now” there is only an upside. There’s no longer a moral connection to the activity or a right or wrong answer. Whatever my decision is, I’m doing it because I want to.

Play with this for a minute and notice where you might be adding this internal pressure. It may be on dieting, grades, dating, or working out. Just because we don’t place pressure on ourselves, doesn’t mean we won’t make the healthy choice.

“Have to” vs “GET to”

When you have a hectic day how often do you say, “I have to go to the grocery store. I have to go to lunch with a client. I have to go pick up dinner for my family.” This makes it sound like each action is a bothersome chore that got in the way of you living your life.

Well, the truth is, this is life. We all have things that we must do each day. So let’s try to manage how we look at these activities so that no matter the task we can actually enjoy them. What if we change our perspective with one little word?

I GET to do these things.

Gratitude isn’t something we’re born with, it’s a learned skill. This shift in vocabulary kickstarts that training. Notice the days when you’re grateful and content. What do you say then when you’re going about these daily chores? Notice how your natural inclination is to use the word “get.” “I get to pick up dinner for my family, I get to go to the grocery store. I get to pick up a loved one from the airport”.

So then… Is it our mood that affects our vocabulary or rather our vocabulary that affects our mood?

Next time you feel stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, notice what words you’re using with yourself. Try switching it up. Pay attention to how you feel when you’re mentally at your best. What words are you using then?

Your plank of wood has been hundreds of feet off the ground without you even noticing. If you can become aware of how your subconscious mind alters your perception of the world around you and vice versa, you’ll have unlocked a superpower in controlling stress and anxiety in your life. You’ll be able to push yourself when you need to do the tough things and reduce stress as well. The simplest tasks will begin to bring more fulfillment to you than ever before.

This is true mastery in life – to know your center, and when knocked off the path by life’s trials and tribulations, have the tools to return back to it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and if you liked it, please share it with someone you care about!