If you’re comfortable making a change, you’re not doing it right.
A Tibetan analogy for the evolution of one’s inner self says that our development is like walking down the street and falling down a manhole. You remain in the sewer for a long time. You don’t even remember how you fell into the hole, much less understand why.
One day you climb out, but you don’t know how you got out. The next day you walk down the same street and fall into the same hole. But this time you start to think about how you fell in. You direct your focus to how you climbed out before and recall what worked. The next day you walk down the same street and fall in but you climb out rapidly. One day you stop just short of the hole.
However, it’s said the process of inner development is complete only when you walk down another street altogether.
How then do we learn to walk a different path?
There are 4 stages to learning a new skill – physical or mental.
- Unconscious incompetence
- Conscious incompetence
- Conscious competence
- Unconscious competence
This is the reason why when we are learning something new or changing a habit in our lives it feels like we’re actually getting worse. In fact, we’re just becoming conscious of what we were already doing in the first place.
Awareness is a spotlight that shines on both our strengths and our flaws. when we become aware of our habits it’s easy to beat ourselves up. However, the best companions on the road to self-improvement are discipline and plenty of self-compassion because our greatest pressures can come from an area we don’t think of often: Our own self-talk.
If I told you to walk across a 10 foot long, 6-inch wide beam of wood that was laying on the floor odds are you could do it. Now, what if that was suspended between two buildings 500 feet in the air?
The dimensions of the wood are no different but the context is entirely new in our minds. Something we could easily do on the ground suddenly becomes much more difficult now that it is life or death.
Our self-talk can accomplish the same things as if we’re raising or lowering the beam. We create life or death conditions through how we talk with ourselves.
When we try to make changes in our life it’s easy to start seeing what healthy habits we should have and what we should be doing. However, change requires patience and a light touch as we are bound to mess up along the way. Now that you’re working on self-awareness, you’re seeing just how many mistakes you’re making.
When we become conscious of our shortcomings we have two options. This first is to yell at ourselves and wonder how we could’ve let that happen. The second is the more interesting path.
This is where we take a growth-oriented approach and realize we aren’t our failures. We can now look at our failures as teachers, an opportunity to learn. The biggest successes and thrills in your life have come on the other side of pain, fear, and failure. This time it’s no different.
Even in moments of failure, I find I have more pride in the grit it took to work through those problems. My success no longer is a celebration of physical accomplishments but more so a love of who I’ve become in the process of getting to where I am now. A growth-oriented mindset lets us find these internal wins more easily.
Make a big deal of when you do something right. You might take a deep breath in the middle of an argument. You put your phone down and pay attention to your partner. You choose the healthy meal option. Success will look different for all of us.
You’re putting yourself out there when you work on changing yourself and THAT is something you should be proud of.
When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of…
Paulo Coelho (Author of The Alchemist)
These choices will lead to an unintended side effect. Those around you will see you becoming a different person, someone who is patient, courageous, and humble. You’re leading by example.
Maybe others will ask you what your secret is and maybe they won’t but there’s no doubt that these new traits will only deepen your character and your understanding of those around you. Change yourself and watch the world change with you.
Now as we go through life our new goal is to become aware of the manholes we fall into. Which ones do you fall down most often? Celebrate when you notice yourself falling into them just as much as you do when climbing out of them. We can’t change what we cant see.
Your growth into the best version of yourself is a never-ending process but the fact you’re reading this means you have room to make a possible change in at least one area of your life. You want to become better and you want to expose yourself to new ideas. As you embark on this journey, whatever that may be for you, know that you’re already looking for a new road to travel down. Be proud of yourself. You’ve got this.
When Edison was asked about his failures and setbacks while inventing the light bulb, he said, “I didn’t fail. I just found 1,000 ways how not to make a lightbulb. I only need to find one that worked.” Find your new path; you only need one.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post and if you liked it, please subscribe and share it with someone you care about!