What you resist, persists.

Carl Jung

When we are introduced to pain – physical, emotional, or psychological – our instinct is to resist it. This is our body’s natural coping mechanism to keep us alive. Evolution has taught us that if you hold your hand over fire, bad things happen. My goal is to show you that with the right growth mindset, when you’re forced to hold your hand over that fire during a less than ideal situation or obstacle, you will actually thrive and enjoy the process of expanding what you previously thought were your boundaries.

Right now we are being forced to stay in social isolation in order to flatten the curve of COVID-19. When this first began, I’m sure some of you were excited to spend some time at home, some people may have been looking forward to some more sleep or being able to play video games with friends.

However, many of us thought about all of the restrictions we would now be facing. We became frustrated that we now can’t see friends or loved ones. We can’t go out to bars or do activities at the end of the week. We’re limited as to what we can even eat. We can feel like as time passes, this social isolation and virus is like a snake tightening its hold around us. This only compounded as we continued to think about how little control we have in how long this all will take. We begin to resist these constraints and in doing so, each day is a battle to get through without losing our minds.

There are 3 main kinds of resistance:

  1. To deny what is happening – This is to ignore that there even is a problem. I know many people who have continued going about their normal routines and even traveling during this time.
  2. To minimize the problem – This would include saying things like, “It will only be like this for a couple of weeks” or “This really isn’t that dangerous, this won’t impact me.”
  3. To blame others or the situation at hand – This is blaming the situation for the lack of things we can do, that our options are now limited because of COVID-19 (or by blaming governors for imposing stricter and stricter regulations on us).

When we are resisting our current reality, we use a lot of energy. More importantly, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of what’s happening around us. In saying look at all of the things we can’t do anymore, we begin to look for exactly that. We will get more and more frustrated by our confinement and as someone who has lived most of the past two years in a self-quarantine-like state, I promise it’s easy to feel trapped.

However, if we instead remove the limits imposed on us by our minds and our fears now as well as in life, the situation at hand will seem much more approachable and spacious. This will no longer be a period of fear of the unknown, where our life has been placed on pause due to this pandemic, but rather an opportunity for us to learn that our fears are never as bad as they seem. From this, we can grow a deeper appreciation for our own health, people around us, and even just the simple things we had taken for granted before.

You might be wondering how to approach this task, to sit with our worst fears and feel comfortable doing so. Through this exercise I’ll now show you, we can relax into stressors and by doing so, we will spend less energy fighting them, their grip will loosen, and we will be able to approach them with compassion.

Exercise on Facing Our Worst Fears:

First, I want you to sit down, sit upright and close your eyes. Begin by taking a couple of deep breaths to center yourself in the present moment. Once you do this I want you to bring your attention to whatever might be causing you stress. Work to become aware of your fears. Some fears you may know about, while others may hide behind false anger or frustration. This could be financial troubles, fear of isolation, feeling trapped at home, or anything else.

Now I want you to imagine the worst-case scenario of that fear. You might at first have the sense that you’ll be overwhelmed by these sensations but as you go deeper into this fear, you’ll realize all that is happening is you’re telling yourself a story, one that may not be all that accurate. Nonetheless, I want you to sit with the story you’re telling. How does it make you feel? Are certain areas of your body warm, numb, tingling? Is there pressure or emptiness? As you do I want you to give your permission to fully feel these feelings. Say out loud whatever emotion you’re feeling and then tell yourself it’s ok to feel that emotion.

As you do this, you’ll begin to feel a small sense of relief that with practice will grow. You are starting to settle into this fear simply by accepting it. You’ll see how much energy was going into resisting this fear and by relieving yourself of that tension, the fear begins to dissipate. As you continue to practice this your confidence to face these problems will only grow.

There is an emptiness to the stories we tell ourselves. By learning to accept these feelings, that it’s ok to be scared or nervous, we are able to work with our fears in a more loving way. The fear will begin to dissolve and we’ll see the opportunities in the situation rather than the threats. Now you have the tools to work with your fears in a constructive manner. The only thing you need to do now is to become aware of when they begin to arise.

This pandemic is terrible in many ways. Some may lose their lives or their jobs, but one thing we can ensure is that we won’t lose our mental security at a time like this. Our job is to strengthen our resolve by not only caring for others but accepting and giving ourselves the loving-kindness we deserve. In doing this you’ll find how much more you can enjoy life. This isn’t the last hardship we will ever face but it can be one of the first we truly use fear to cultivate a deeper love for ourselves and those around us.

To learn more check out “The Wise Heart” by Jack Kornfield, “Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chodron, and “Already Free” by Bruce Tift.